Life often throws us into situations beyond our control. A place where, no matter how much we want to fix things, the reality remains unchanged. For many of us, especially parents, these moments are even more complex. We love fiercely, invest deeply, and sometimes feel helpless when circumstances spiral beyond our influence.

As a divorced parent, I find myself in such a space more often than I’d care to admit. I wanted the divorce. I knew it was the right choice for me and, ultimately, my children. But that doesn’t erase the emotional ripple effects. I know that in my children’s eyes, I am the “bad guy,” the one who made the hard choice. That’s a heavy burden to carry, and it’s natural to feel sad, frustrated, and even angry about it. I’ve been feeling all these things lately.

What happens when you simply cannot fix it?

The truth is, sometimes there’s no solution. No amount of over-correcting, reasoning, or wishing will change the unchangeable. The more we try to “solve” the problem, the more it can feel like we’re spinning our wheels. Worse, sometimes we end up making things worse.

The only thing we truly have control over is ourselves—our thoughts, choices, actions, and behaviors. Recognizing this has been a guiding light for me. I’ve learned to allow myself to feel all my emotions. Even one’s society tells us not to feel, and if we do, to push down and pretend they don’t exist. Anger, guilt, sadness, frustration. I’ve learned (and am sometimes still learning) to allow them without judgment. I get honest about what I’m experiencing and treat myself with tenderness and compassion. It wasn’t always like this. I’ve had to do a lot of work to get to this point. And sometimes, the bigness and heaviness of the situation is still too much to bear in a given moment.

Self-Compassion as a Foundation

In the midst of chaos, I remind myself: if I can’t give myself grace and understanding, it’s nearly impossible to accept it from others. The work begins inside. I slow down, breathe, and ground myself in the present moment. I ask myself, what is true right now? Today, I am safe. It’s okay. The “what ifs” and “I should haves” can wait because they don’t serve me at this moment.

Tools and Strategies that Help

Over time, I’ve developed a toolkit to help me navigate these stormy waters:

• Honest Reflection and Writing: I write about my feelings and thoughts, like I’m doing here, to process and make sense of what’s happening. I get painfully, brutally honest with myself.
  
• Subconscious Reprogramming: As an NLP practitioner, I create and listen to audio tracks about being loved and worthy—both by myself and others—reinforcing my intrinsic value.
  
• I Ask for Help: Just because you can (or think you can) do it all and all alone doesn’t mean you should. Lean on people. Ask for support and comfort. You may not need advice (most of the time we don’t), but being witnessed and having someone hold space for us is a powerful thing.
  
• Disengaging for a Moment: Sometimes I watch trash TV, take a walk, read, or paint (which I suck at, but it does provide a deep, meditative detachment from the noise in my mind). These simple acts allow me to disconnect and reset.
  
• EFT Tapping and Baths: I practice EFT tapping in the shower, which helps shift emotional energy, and magnesium baths soothe my body and mind.
  

The Journey of Self-Work

I understand that if I don’t nurture compassion with and for myself, I’ll struggle to accept it from others. Self-love isn’t always easy. It’s a journey filled with mountains and valleys. But I’ve been here before. I’ve climbed these mountains and will, no doubt, do it again. I trust that with patience, kindness, and persistence, I’ll find my way through each and every time.

Balancing Parenthood and Self-Care

My investment in my children fuels my resilience. They are entitled to their feelings and opinions. I understand that their lived experience is different from mine. While I may not always agree or understand—and even when I feel misunderstood or judged—I focus on doing what’s best for them while also caring for myself. I strive to create open, honest communication, recognizing that they’re also processing changes in their own way.

Looking Forward

What I hope for myself is a future where I can hold space for all my feelings—without shame—and cultivate a sense of peace and acceptance. I want my children to see that even in unfixable situations, strength and grace can coexist. That’s the path I choose: one of ongoing self-compassion, resilience, and hope.

Life’s toughest moments remind us that we’re all on a solo journey within a group setting. We’re responsible for our internal world, and that’s where our power lies. Even when we can’t change the external, we can always choose how to respond. And that choice—the choice to practice self-love and acceptance—can transform even the darkest storms into opportunities for growth.

If any part of this resonates, know that you’re not alone. Unfixable situations don’t mean you’re failing—they just mean you’re human. And in the middle of the mess, there’s still room for grace, growth, and a softer way forward. I’d love to hear from you. How are you navigating the unfixable in your life? What tools help you stay anchored when everything feels out of reach? Hit reply or leave a comment and share your thoughts. Your story might be exactly what someone else needs to hear today. Meanwhile, check out this video below!

Healing When Control Isn’t an Option

Stuck in regret? Discover the power of self-forgiveness to boost resilience, embrace abundance, and create a joyful, balanced life.” Read this blog, Stuck in Regret? Here’s How Self-Forgiveness Can Transform Your Life

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