There’s something about turning 50 (yep, today’s my birthday!) that has me deep in my feels about past choices and behaviors. Over the past few weeks, I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on the decisions made by past versions of me. And while I know I wouldn’t be who I am today without every single moment playing out exactly as it has, that doesn’t mean I don’t have regrets. Sometimes, I wish things had gone down differently—or at the very least, that others hadn’t been hurt in the process of my growth.
But this is life, isn’t it? Growth is messy. Being human is hard.
So how have I been handling all this (often painful) reflection? With one simple tool. That tool? Self-forgiveness.
Self-forgiveness is a superpower that could boost your resilience, improve your relationships, and even benefit your physical health. It is simple but simple doesn’t mean easy.
Did your mind just screech to a halt? Are you wondering how in the world self-forgiveness can make that kind of impact? Stick with me…
We’ve all been there—replaying past choices like a broken record, steeping in regret, stuck in the quicksand of “what ifs” and “if only.” Maybe that’s where you are right now. Whether it’s a decision from years ago or something as recent as last week, it’s easy to let regret pull you under.
Here’s the thing: you did the best you could with what you had at the time. I know, I know—that’s a tough pill to swallow, especially when your inner critic is screaming, “You should have known better!” But the science backs it up. Self-forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing bad behavior; it means acknowledging that your mistakes are a part of your story.
Why is this so important? Because holding onto guilt and shame is like carrying a backpack full of bricks. It drags you down, weakens your resilience, and can even impact your health. Chronic stress takes a toll on your immune system, and research has linked unforgiveness to anxiety, depression, and even heart disease.
But when you practice self-forgiveness, you free yourself. It builds resilience, improves your relationships, and gives you the mental and emotional bandwidth for the good stuff—like growth, learning, and moving forward.
So how do you actually do it? Here’s the three-step process:
- Acknowledge Recognize those past choices and the emotions tied to them. Don’t push it down or brush it off. Healing starts with facing it head-on.
- Practice Self-Compassion Treat yourself with the kindness you’d offer a friend. Remind yourself that imperfection is human. You did the best you could at the time—give yourself some grace.
- Let Go This is the hard but crucial step. Consciously choose to release the guilt and shame. Letting go doesn’t mean excusing what happened; it means freeing yourself from its grip.
Let’s dive deeper below during this week’s episode of Live with Heather Vickery. You’ve got the superpower of self-forgiveness—you just need to learn how to tap into it.
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