Why caring what others do is draining your ROI — and your joy.

The Luxury of Not Caring

I remember being younger and being absolutely certain that I needed to be concerned about other people’s behaviors. I was stressed about what others thought of me, how they were spending their time, and whether they were making the “right” choices.

Now, some of that might stem from being an unaligned projector who knew things and really wanted to help people, but didn’t yet have the skills to do so in a way that actually served people. But part of it comes from just being human.

However, somewhere along the way, I made a decision that made a massive difference: What other people think of me is none of my damn business. This was freaking life-changing. Things are so much easier and more pleasant this way.

Maybe that shift comes with age, or maybe it’s wisdom. Maybe — and there’s actually some fascinating science on this — it’s changing hormones. Research is showing that during perimenopause, a woman’s hormonal shifts contribute to that legendary “zero fucks phase.” The theory is that we simply don’t need to concern ourselves with others’ behavior anymore to preserve the species, and something in our biology knows it. How freeing is that?

But it’s bigger than biology, especially on the internet.

We’ve somehow arrived at a place where people feel entitled to the most personal details of everyone’s lives, from strangers to celebrities, and everyone in between. We’re debating whether someone showers too much or not enough, whether they’re too dressed up to go to the grocery store or too casual. And the internet has handed everyone a megaphone and the apparent right to comment on every goddamn thing.

I don’t want to live there anymore. And several years ago, I stopped.

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The Myth of the “Bad Person”

Here’s what shifted for me: I started asking myself one simple question before I said anything — in person or online. Will my input actually improve this situation?

Nine times out of ten, the answer is no. So I don’t say anything.

Not because I don’t have the right to speak up. Not because my voice doesn’t matter. But because people are allowed to think, feel, and behave however the hell they want. There may be consequences to some choices — but those belong to the people making them. I am not the world’s mom. I am done being the hall monitor of other people’s lives.

And here’s the thing we hesitate to say out loud: choosing not to care what others do is actually an act of trust. One of the most powerful things I learned through my NLP training is that most people are simply doing the best they can with what they have. We don’t really know why people make the choices they do. We don’t have the full picture. Ever.

When you stay in your own lane, you’re saying: I trust that you know what’s best for you. And I trust that I know what’s best for me. That’s the EASE Pathway in action! That’s taking radical responsibility for yourself and extending grace toward everyone else. It’s actually another form of consent, and consent is always sexy.

Not caring isn’t cold. It’s actually one of the most generous things you can do.

How to Actually Lean Into “This Isn’t About Me” Energy

If any of this is landing for you, try these shifts:

Practice the “This Isn’t About Me” Mantra. When you feel that spark of judgment rising, take a breath and say: “This isn’t about me”, or ” Other people’s behavior is not about me,” because it’s true! Their choices aren’t about you. Their noise isn’t about you. Their path isn’t about you. And it is absolutely not your job to redirect any of it unless you’ve been asked to do so.

Audit Your Entitlement. Ask yourself: “Does this person’s choice actually impact my physical safety or my bank account?” If the answer is no, it’s a luxury you genuinely cannot afford.

Redirect the Resource. Every time you catch yourself minding someone else’s business, do one small thing that fuels your joy or alignment instead. Open a window. Stretch. Drink some water. Move that energy back into your own body.

When you stop policing the world, you finally have space actually to inhabit your own life. You move out of that heavy, stuck place and back into something that feels like yours.If this stirred something in you, that’s not an accident — that’s your inner wisdom tapping you on the shoulder. There are a few ways I can support you in taking this further. If you want a gentle, ongoing reset, my Human Design Subliminals are designed to help you stay aligned and at ease without having to work hard at it. If you’re craving a more immersive experience, come to a Glimmer Lab session — a space to recalibrate, realign, and reimagine what inner peace and expansive joy actually feel like in your body. And if you’re ready to go deeper and create some real, lasting change, a Subconscious Shift Session might be exactly what you’ve been waiting for. See what resonates and explore your options whenever you’re ready.

The Glimmer Toolkit

Somatic Drop-In

Inhale deeply and imagine drawing a circle around your own feet. As you exhale, say: “This is my lane. I am safe and powerful right here.” Feel your feet heavy on the floor. Let your shoulders drop away from your ears.

Awareness Moment

Stop right now and find three things in the room that are a shade of gold or yellow. Don’t analyze them. Just let your eyes rest on the warmth for a few seconds.

Reflection Prompt

Think of the last time you felt annoyed by a stranger’s choice. If you’d taken those ten minutes of mental energy and put them toward something that brings you pleasure, how would your jaw feel right now?

Breaking free from people-pleasing and reclaiming personal autonomy

Embrace life, trust your inner voice, and make empowered choices. Create abundance and live confidently with self-reliance and conscious leadership. Check this out, The Unapologetic You: Embracing life Without Seeking Approval

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Come hang out in my world

Letting go of other people’s business is a practice, not a one-time decision. Some days it’s easy. Some days you’ll catch yourself deep in someone else’s lane before you even realize you left your own. That’s okay. That’s the work.

If you want to keep doing it together, I’d love that. Every Tuesday at 12pm CT, I host Ask Me Anything Office Hours — a free, open space to bring your questions, your snags, or just your curiosity (registration required, but it’s completely informal). On Thursdays at 12pm CT, catch me Live with Heather Vickery on LinkedIn, YouTube, and Substack for real conversations about leadership, joy, and the art of living in alignment. See what resonates and join us whenever you’re ready.