I’ve been talking about breaking the rules since I was a kid. Okay, let’s be real—I’ve been actively breaking them since I was a kid. Most rules are bullshit. They were created by and for someone who isn’t you. Sure, guidelines can be helpful, but rigid rules? They kill creativity, crush flexibility, and drain the joy right out of the room.

Society is packed with stupid fucking rules. Some of these outdated ideas have been around forever, others are fresh off the assembly line of hustle culture. Either way, they’ve got to go.

Here are a few old-school rules that probably aren’t serving anyone anymore:

• You’re responsible for solving everyone’s problems and ensuring everyone’s happy.
  
• It’s better to be quiet and not draw attention to yourself.
  
• Just do it the way you’re told.
  
• Check all the boxes and you’ll be happy or successful.
  
• You have to earn joy and love.
  
• If it’s not hard, it’s not real work.
  
• Sacrifice yourself for your job, your family, your partner.
  
• Work hard, then you can play hard.
  

It’s that last one I want to rip apart today.

During a recent coaching session with an entrepreneur and writer, we dug into their desire to play more. When I asked what “play” meant for them, the answer was beautifully simple: “Anything that doesn’t check a box at the end.” Boom. This client was exhausted from everything being transactional—always doing something to get somewhere else. They craved playing, exploring, and being creative simply because it feels good to do so.

We made a list of ways they could embody play in their life—reading, walking, and laughing with friends. But let’s be clear: what feels playful and fun to you might look totally different from someone else. Don’t copy someone else’s joy. Make your own “play” list.

But here’s where it gets juicy. The next week, despite having the list, they still struggled to actually do it. So I threw them a curveball: Hold your work for ransom. Yep, flip the script. Create a daily schedule where play comes before work. Tell yourself you can’t get to the work until you’ve nurtured your soul with a little joy. 

Their eyes went wide. “You mean I can have dessert first?”

Yes. Yes, you can. That’s exactly what I mean.

This may need to be adjusted if you aren’t an entrepreneur but I promise you there are ways to build more play into your life. Even if that’s reading or writing in the morning with a hot cup of coffee. Fucking off on your lunch break and taking a walk. Get creative here.

Because here’s the thing: you can’t lead from embodied joy if you don’t make space for it. That rule that says you have to wake up at 5 AM and grind your ass off before you’ve earned a scrap of play? That rule is stupid as fuck. It makes you miserable. It makes you miserable to be around. And it sure as hell doesn’t make you a good leader, friend, parent, or partner.

So here’s my invitation to you today: What if you made play the first priority? What if you dared to nurture your joy before you tackle your to-do list? Imagine how you might show up differently in your work, in your relationships, in your mirror. How might your effectiveness change? Your confidence? Your energy? What would happen if you walked into the hardest parts of your day already filled up—radiating joy, playfulness, and presence—instead of waiting until you “deserved” it?

Turns out, dessert first might just be the most badass leadership move you’ve never tried.

Applying the BRAVE Method to the concept of playing first

B – Boundaries:
What if putting play first is a radical boundary? Not the kind you have to fight people over—but the kind that says to yourself, “My joy is non-negotiable.” This is about setting time, energy, and emotional boundaries that start with you, so you’re not running on empty by noon.

R – Reassessment:
Those rules we’ve been handed? Time to hold them up to the light and ask, “Who does this really serve?”
Reassessing what ‘work ethic’ and ‘success’ mean to you—through the lens of joy first, hustle second—is a Brave AF move.

A – Action & Accountability:
Play isn’t passive. It’s a powerful, actionable choice.
Flip the script and make your joy the first item on your daily accountability list.
Start the day with it, tell someone about it, and yes—hold yourself to it.

V – Vulnerability:
It takes guts to admit you want more pleasure, joy, and play. It takes even more to prioritize it in a world that might roll their eyes at you for doing it.
Bravery lives in the vulnerability of saying, “This feels good. And that’s enough reason.”

E – Expansion:
When you fill yourself up first—your creativity, leadership, energy, and yes, joy—expand.
You show up more resourced, more magnetic, and more open to opportunities that align with the leader (and human) you actually want to be.

Meanwhile, check this video below.

Choosing Joy Without Justification

Rediscover the Simple Joys of life and embrace happiness, balance, and self-kindness in the midst of life’s challenges. Check this out, The Pursuit of Simple Joys.