It’s Something You Find.

There’s a version of “choosing joy” that’s basically emotional photoshopping. You paste a smile over whatever’s actually happening and call it a mindset shift. You perform positivity until you’ve gaslit yourself into believing it.

That isn’t joy, it’s bullshit.

What I’m talking about when I say “choose joy” is something quieter and a lot more powerful: the practice of noticing what’s already bringing you joy — even when other things are hard. Even when life is full and complicated and not at all what you planned.

Because joy isn’t waiting on the other side of your problems. It’s threaded through this moment, right now, if you know how to look.

Some Mornings Just Don’t Feel Joyful

What about those mornings when you wake up feeling the complete opposite of joy?

Even for those of us who lead with embodied joy — who are joy warriors, who have done the work, who know better — some days just don’t cooperate. That’s not a failure. That’s being a whole human having the lived experience of a whole human, with a full range of emotions that deserve to be accepted and honored.

Forcing joy doesn’t work. It becomes a mask. And masks are exhausting.

Instead: get cozy with what’s actually there. Let your feelings flow. Be curious about them. Be tender with yourself. See if you can find the root of what you’re feeling and allow yourself to actually feel it — because that’s the only way to fully process it. There is so much joy available on the other side of that permission. And there’s even joy in the permission itself: the relief of not having to perform.

This morning I woke up with a deep sense of sadness. I cried a little. Did some somatic movement. Made a good breakfast. Chatted with a friend. I took the pressure off to perform and just allowed myself to be.

And that — the allowing, the tenderness, the not-forcing — that is the practice. It turns out there’s joy in that too, if you let yourself look for it. Not manufactured joy. Not “good vibes only” joy. The quiet, real kind that comes from knowing you’re safe enough to feel everything.

Lots of things can be true at once. You can be sad and okay. Depleted and grateful. Heavy and held.

The Tiny Joy Test

My morning coffee brings me so much joy.

Not in a performative, “I’m so grateful for my blessings” kind of way (although I am truly grateful for my blessings). But this gratitude is more of a sensory experience, in a “this-is-moment is all mine” kind of way. The warmth of the mug. The smell before the first sip. The five minutes that are just for me before the day gets loud.

That’s joy. Tiny, specific, entirely real.

My dog makes little sounds next to me that make me smile without even thinking about it. The way sunlight moves through leaves catches me off guard, and something in my chest just… opens. Connecting with my community fills me up in a way I don’t always have words for.

None of these moments required me to not also be exhausted. Or navigating something hard. Or sitting in uncertainty about something I can’t control yet.

Many things can be true at once.

That’s actually the whole point.

What We Get Wrong About Joy

We treat joy like it has to be earned, or achieved, or felt at full volume before it counts. We tell ourselves we’ll feel it after — after the hard thing resolves, after we’ve done the work, after we finally arrive somewhere that looks like peace.

And in the meantime, we miss the coffee. We miss the dog. We miss the light through the leaves.

The work isn’t to force joy in place of other feelings. It’s to discover joy in the midst of other feelings. It’s recognizing that you’re not betraying your hard emotions by noticing something beautiful at the same time.

What you focus on grows. That’s neuroscience, plain and simple. That’s how attention shapes experience. You’re not lying to yourself when you choose to notice the good — you’re training your nervous system to recognize safety, to widen its window, to hold more.

Where This Lives in the EASE Pathway

The fourth stage of the E.A.S.E. Pathway is Embody Expansion, and joy isn’t the reward at the end of that stage. It’s the evidence that you’re in it.

When you’re expanding, you’re not suddenly free from difficulty. You’re building the capacity to hold more: more peace alongside more complexity, more delight alongside more responsibility, more presence even when life is full.

Joy becomes embodied when you stop treating it as a destination and start practicing it as a way of noticing. It shows up in micro-moments. In the sensory details. In the small things that quietly say you’re alive and this is yours.

And here’s what’s interesting: even the act of making time for your own healing — booking a session, settling into a hypnotherapy experience, choosing to prioritize your inner world for an hour — that is a joy moment. Not because it always feels good in the way a massage feels good, but because it’s an act of radical self-regard. You’re saying: I matter enough to be tended to.

That’s the seed of joy. That’s where it starts.

The Practice (It’s Simpler Than You Think)

You’re not forcing joy. You’re discovering it. And you’re choosing to let what you discover grow.

Start getting micro. Embarrassingly micro. What made you smile today that you almost didn’t notice? What did your body relax toward, even for a second? What small thing felt like yours?

Write it down if that helps. Say it out loud. Let yourself mean it.

You’re not bypassing the hard stuff. You’re refusing to let the hard stuff block out everything else.

That refusal? That’s a form of bravery, too.

Glimmer Toolkit

Somatic Drop-In: Place one hand on your chest and take three slow breaths. With each exhale, ask yourself: where in my body do I feel something that isn’t tension? It might be small — a relaxed jaw, soft shoulders, warm hands. Stay there for a moment. That’s your body’s version of joy. It exists even now.

Journaling Prompt: What brought you even the tiniest flicker of joy today — something you almost didn’t notice? Describe it in sensory detail: what you saw, heard, felt, smelled. Let yourself be specific. Let it be small. Small counts.

Reframe Exercise: The next time you catch yourself thinking “I’ll feel better when ___,” pause and ask: what is already true right now that I could let myself feel? You’re not replacing the “when.” You’re just adding an “and also.”

The Humanity Beneath the Performance

Shift from teasing to acceptance to foster connection, joy, and growth. Embrace authenticity and create abundance. Check this out, Beyond The Laughter

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Come hang out in my world. Every Tuesday at 12pm CT, I host Ask Me Anything Office Hours—it’s a free, open space to bring your questions, your snags, or just your curiosity (you do have to register, but it’s completely informal). On Thursdays at 12pm CT, you can catch me Live with Heather Vickery on LinkedIn, YouTube, and Substack for real-time conversations about leadership, joy, and the science of alignment. 

Whether you grab one of my free resources or just pop into a live show to say hi, I’d love to support you in finding your own version of success with ease. See what resonates and join us whenever you’re ready.